”why are you keeping me here?

you said i don't belong here. 

Kung Flu virus

Come fly me away"

away... away... away…"


what would happen if I actually embraced this sentiment -

that I'm not from here. 

and I'm not from there either. 

that this land was and never will be mine or ours  - 

so what is belonging, really?

observing my alien mother, 

who bravely moved here -

to see her, even, recognize that this is not the same place she jumped ships for - 

and how weird it must feel for her, that the longing has shifted generations - 

to see her child want to go all the way back actually, to step 1, to where she turned her back from and everything she knew, and to want it so badly - 

what myths do we each hold about the promise of far away places?

I want to journey to find out.

to explore that brave curiosity, the same braveness and longing that brought me here - 


that longing to NOT belong, actually.

to know that we will be on the hamster wheel of longing forever with no end, and STILL choose to yearn and learn through it -  to feel and move through that dissonance of clashing principles from your past conditioning to your present desires, and to gain the skill of teaching yourself to find a sense of home somewhere along the way. 


In a unique time when Japan has physically closed it's borders to the west, 

perhaps - the first time since 鎖国 sakoku and the culturally defining Tokugawa period

 of 214 years of isolation - 

with out the energy or focus on tourism and the west - 

how is the culture shifting?

how is it shifting its gaze inward - 

and can I shift my gaze inward also?

what does it look like now when we can try to rehabilitate ourselves - 

without being watched (through tourism, anthropology, nihilism)?

and can I rehabilitate, my grand country - my being, my home?

to internally shift my gaze also from my conditioning to my present pulls - 

and realign with home not as a place but a deep knowing….

what instinctual ways of reacting, 

what ancient knowings do I return to and resonate with - 

and where do I recognize that dissonance

And still long for my sense of home?

I want to be-longing.


During the time of COVID, where anti-asian hate crimes are on the rise in America, and where Japan has closed it’s borders to most of the west, the first time since the tokugawa period - two non-binary Japanese-American femmes living in California take the plunge to “go back to where they are from” to observe the differences between both of their cultures handling the pandemic, and in turn explore the nuances and differences of American and Japanese culture through interviews, original poetry, and music. 




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