"why are you keeping me here?
you said i don't belong here.
Kung Flu virus
Come fly me away"
away... away... away...
what would happen if I actually embraced this sentiment -
that I'm not from here.
and I'm not from there either.
that this land was and never will be mine or ours -
so what is belonging, really?
observing my immigrant mother,
who bravely moved here -
to see her, even, recognize that this is not the same place she sacrificed for -
and how weird it must feel for her, that the longing has shifted generations -
to see her child want to go all the way back actually, to step 1, to where she turned her back from and everything she knew, so badly -
what myths do we each hold about the promise of far away places?
I want to journey to find out.
to explore that brave curiosity, the same longing that brought me here -
the longing to NOT belong, and to know we have forever to belong, and STILL yearn and learn through it - to feel and move through that dissonance of clashing principles from past to present, and to gain the skill of teaching yourself to find a sense of home somewhere along the way.
In a unique time when Japan has physically closed it's borders to the west,
perhaps - the first time since 鎖国 sakoku and the culturally defining tokugawa period of 214 years of isolation -
with out the energy or focus on tourism
how is the culture shifting?
how is it shifting its gaze inward -
and can I go inward also?
what does it look like now when we can try to rehabilitate ourselves -
with out being watched (through tourism, anthropology, nihilism)?
and can I also rehabilitate, my grand country - as in my being, my home?
to realign with home not as a place but a deep knowing
to internally shift my gaze also from all the ways i've been taught
what instinctual ways of moving
what ancient knowings do I return to
and where do I decide to fight for my own?
I want to be-longing.
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